Hateful Fate
by espioc
Summary: TFA. After the war Blurr is recovered, but not entirely. His spark has chosen it's mate but Blurr refuses to accept the cruel joke that fate is playing on him. (It says hurt/comfort and Angst, but there's probably (obviously) drama also)


**For anyone reading Life Now, I know I'm still working on it, but that story is coming to an end in a matter of chapters, and I couldn't wait to start this one. The next chapter in this story won't be posted until the end of Life Now. **

The war is over. Decepticons have been captured. Injured Autobots have been restored. Lost positions have been replaced. Even Blurr, crushed into a cube, had been salvaged and placed back into a protoform. It took a little while for him to develop but when he did he was ready to get back into action. Or at least he should have been. There was no action to get into, though, with most of the Decepticons in hiding or captured very little had to be done. There was no more spying or surveillance to be done, no more infiltrating Decepticon bases, no more fighting the war.

A few bots who had been soldiers, fighters, all their lives, found themselves lost with nothing to do. They remained on the elite guard team, but now as a simple police force. It was a new life for everyone, some accepted it while others did not.

"What do you mean I'm still on temporary leave?" Blurr protested, scowling at his now superior officer Cliffjumper. Cliffjumper pinched his nasal ridge, squeezing his optics shut as he listened to an unrelenting Blurr, who still could barely get himself to stand from a chair let alone be any use in the intelligence field at this point. The fact was that his services, as they once were, were no longer needed. Blurr would now be stationed at a desk.

"Blurr-" Cliffjumper interrupted the speedy rant that he could not hear a word of anyways "I understand these last few megacycles have been hard on you Blurr, we're all going through a bit of change, and it's a little weird for everyone. You're just not fit for the field anymore, and there's no field to go into."

Blurr gave a cynical huff, something similar to a laugh, as he crossed his arms "You understand? No, I don't think you do. Becauseyouweren'tcrushedintoacubebyaDecepticononlytowakeupinadefective protoformbodyto-to-to all- _this." _He threw a hand out, gesturing the world outside the large windows beside him. After all was said and done Cliffjumper was promoted to head of intelligence after the former head, Longarm, was discovered.

"Blurr-" Cliffjumper tried to ease "I know what happened was unfortunate, but the doctors are trying to fix you remember? They're doing all they can. You'll be back to your old self again in no time." Cliffumper, while often short tempered, and sometimes impatient, had a bit more patience for Blurr, considering the former speedsters current position.

Blurr scoffed "Yeah, so I can sit at a desk for the rest of my life." He grumbled, then pressing a button on the chair he sat in to get Red Alert to assist him. Red Alert came to roll the former speedster out because he had yet to master spinning the wheels.

Blurr was bound to a chair. During early development of his new protoform something went wrong, something was tampered with that messed up a whole section of essential circuitry. It hurt to walk though he often tried despite the doctors protests. This is why Red Alert was put in charge of him. She was a field medic, cut and dry and tough as iron. She'll throw Blurr right back in his seat as soon as he tries to stand, no hesitation. She won' be soft, she won't show pity, and she won't give in to begging, even if he never did. She was the perfect bot for the job.

Red Alert didn't mind too much where she ended up. While she'd rather be working in a hospital or back in the field, helping out a stubborn elite guard member was good enough for her. And Primus knows he needs it.

More than just Blurr's legs were tampered with, though. Part of his look was off and his transformation cog didn't function. His shoulder spikes had been reduced to nothing and his chest plate had shrunk along with the metal on his legs. His height remained but he was a shell of his former self. A lot of his body was more mesh than solid metal but no matter what the doctors did, or how long they waited, his body would not develop any further. It was a medical mystery Blurr wanted solved but was pessimistic about what they would find. He had no hope of ever being able to function properly again.

Blurr was plagued by thoughts and memories of what could have been his death. The pain of being crushed threw itself back through his core every time he tried to recharge, and the large, menacing red optic that made it all possible flashed by his vision in the dark, even when there was nothing there. Blurr couldn't live at home alone; he couldn't push himself around but never really tried because he never really went anywhere. Red Alert often forced him out the door, though, pushed him despite the protest, and forced him to get some fresh air on nice days.

When they left the building Red Alert pushed the scowling seated bot out into a nice day. Many people were walking about, holding the hands of their small sparklings as they uneasily walked beside them, and avoiding the group of kids in the streets racing about playing tag or some other game.

"I know you don't like it but being out on days like this can help your recovery, Blurr, you just need to open your processor." Red Alert advised, walking him slowly back to his apartment complex. Blurr raised his head a bit to see the scene before him. Everyone going about their merry day, walking, running, children racing, smiles on faces who had never seen war.

"Take me home," Blurr demanded in a low sullen tone, turning his head down.

"Blurr-"

"Red Alert if there is any mercy left in you then take me home…please."

With a sigh Red Alert pushed him away from the busy street and took a less scenic route to his building. It wasn't far from the building Blurr worked in, where he'd just met with Cliffjumper.

The doctor rolled the pessimist into the elevator and let the door close by itself. He was only on the fourth floor of six, and his apartment was on the opposite end of the building. Blurr hated the journey. He hated for bots to see him in his current state, to give him pitiful looks and shakes of the head, remembering what Blurr used to be. He used to be a racer, speediest bot around, one of the most useful bot in the intelligence community because no one could ever catch him.

But someone did catch him. A large purple spy by the name of Shockwave, who'd been there all along, for every mission, every gathered piece of information, every government decision was passed through his audio receptors and delivered to Megatron. They let a spy become a Prime, because Shockwave was just that good.

When Blurr entered his apartment Red Alert released him to go turn on a few lights.

"Leave them off," Blurr requested, trying to wheel himself further into the space. The doctor ignored him and continued to brighten up the dull area. She opened the blinds and wheeled him into the house. When he was in the living area Blurr tried to stand, but was quickly thwarted by a quick shove from Red Alert "No standing," she stated bluntly, then turning away for a moment to get something. She had to return a second later, though, because her patient refused to capitulate "Sit down," she demanded, forcing him back in the seat again. A moment later she handed him a small cup with several little pills in it. Blurr scowled at the object presented to him "_I'm not taking them." _He insisted, placing the small cup on the table in protest. He'd been taking energon pills, and pain pills and "circuitry reform" pills since he got out of the hospital about a week and a half ago and he was already tired of it. Red Alert sighed, they'd gone through this nearly every night "_Yes, _you _are." _She pushed, shoving the cup back in his face "You're new body can't handle pure energon yet, and unless you want to stay awake in pain all night you'll take the pain reducers also."

Blurr scowled at the little pills "I already can't recharge at night," he mumbled, taking out the circuitry reform tablets before swallowing the rest. Red Alert scowled "You need these," she stated impatiently, picking the two off the table.

"Why?" Blurr challenged "They're not doing anything."

"They send signals to your body to get it to heal itself, they're an essential part of recovery."

"Maybe they would be if they actually _did _anything but I've been taking those little liars for almost two weeks and _nothing _has changed."

"It's a gradual process, now take them." She presented them again but Blurr simply turned his head away "Blurr if you won't take them willingly I will stuff them down your throat." She threated the obstinate bot. Knowing that it wasn't an empty threat Blurr eventually plucked the gray things from her fingers and tossed them in his mouth, swallowing both in one gulp "Happy?" he huffed bitterly, keeping a deep scowl upon his face as he stared at his care taker. Red Alert stood up straight "I'm putting you on the IV tonight." She stated, heading to the door. Blurr threw himself forward "What!?" he raged "I've been taking your stupid pills."

"Oh please, I know you shove breakfast under the couch, don't lie. I'm going to the hospital down the street to get the IV, you stay here and don't hurt yourself."

Blurr sat back, crossing his arms "I can't recharge with that thing on."

"Well apparently you can't recharge anyways, so what does it matter?" she closed the door behind her, leaving Blurr alone. The blue bot let out a huff, then rolled himself, with a struggle, all around the house, turning out the lights, and closing the blinds. Night was falling by the time he finished, and Red Alert had yet to return.

Blurr sat hunched over, face I hands, trying to purge horrid memories from his mind, but finding that every time one left a new one returned. When all light had abandoned the planet, and silence was the only thing that accompanied Blurr, through the darkness of his thoughts and his home a hand was placed on his back. The owner said nothing, but wheeled the speedster to his room, helped him onto the berth, and stuck a needle in his arm. Then, after all was done, left without a word, the click of a shutting door being the only evidence that she was gone.

* * *

><p>"The dark isn't going to help you," Red Alert stated, taking the IV out of Blurr's arm early into the morning.<p>

"What?" Blurr questioned, still in a slight daze.

"The dark," Red Alert stated "You always put yourself in the dark, but that's not going to help you. As far as I can tell you got crushed in the dark, didn't you?"

"I got crushed in the dim."

"Either way," she wrapped up the cords and hung up a new bag for tonight "Letting yourself wallow away in the dark isn't healthy. I'm not going to let you do it anymore."

"And how are you going to stop me?" Blurr challenged, throwing his legs over the side of the berth and waiting for Red Alert to assist him.

"I've brought all the materials I'll need here, and next time I go out, _every _time I go out, you'll be coming with me." She helped him down and into the wheel chair "You're next appointment with Ratchet is this afternoon."

"Yippee," Blurr dragged sarcastically, not looking forward to the check up at all. It was true what Cliffjumper said, the doctors were doing everything they could for him. If they had Blurr's model on file it would have been a bit easier, they may have been able to just replace his legs. Having such a unique form, however, made replacing or rebuilding any of Blurr's limbs near impossible, so he was left lingering.

Red Alert rolled him onto the small dining area beside the front door and handed him a cup of energon pills "Drink up," she stated "Your appointment's in an hour."

"I thought you said it was at noon,"

"You overslept."

"Oh,"

He drank up the tablets one by one. They'd gotten easier to swallow the more often he did it. Blurr couldn't wait until he could drink real energon again. At least that would be one thing that will eventually get back to normal. Primus knows everything else he once knew was shot.

Before he could finish the last tab Blurr flinched forward in pain. His spark pulled in his chest harshly, and his body suddenly began to ach. He dropped the pill and rested his head on the table.

"Blurr?" Red Alert put a hand on his back "What's happening? What's wrong?" she asked, looking over his hunched over body. Blurr grasped at his chest, clawed at the burning plate. This was a pain he hadn't experienced since before he was crushed, and it had never been so intense.

"I-I don't know," Blurr struggled "It just hurts."

"Where does it hurt?" Red Alert inquired.

"E-everywhere!"

"Where does it originate from?"

"…My spark…I think."

Blurr had felt this pain before, but he couldn't place where or when. It was familiar, though, like his spark was trying to pull him in a certain direction but his body would not comply. As suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. The torment dwindled away. Blurr took a deep breath "What just happened?" he asked, looking up at the doctor "What was that?"

Red Alert stood up straight "It could have been a number of things," she stated, walking to the other side of the table and sat down "It could be another part of your body's development problems, or…Blurr, are you bonded with any one?"

Blurr shook his head "No…" he trailed off, then thought for a moment "Why?"

"Well, sometimes a spark reacts to being away from it's partner for too long…Or from being away from the partner it's never been with, you know, it's spark mate."

"I don't have a spark mate."

"Well, no, you don't have a bond mate, everyone has a pre-set spark mate and as soon as you meet the mech or femme your spark belongs with you'll know."

"Well who is it?"

"How should I know? I'm just your doctor. You have to find that out on your own. Have you felt something like this before?"

"Once or twice maybe."

"When and around who?"

"I-" Blurr paused in thought. It was before he was crushed, he knew that much, and the pain was dull and constant. He remembered it now, his spark pulling, the dull sensation of pain and emptiness; it had been around since he started working for the elite guard, but, for whom?

Blurr shook his head "S-someone in the elite guard when I was working there I don't remember," he spit out quickly "Don'twehaveanappointmenttogettoontheothersideoftown?" He got himself out from the table and headed towards the door. Red Alert grabbed the reigns and pushed him out. They were met in the street by a special transport vehicle that came every week to deliver Blurr to the hospital for checkup.

"So how are you feeling today Blurr?" asked Ratchet as they rolled the former speedster into his office.

"Lousy," Blurr replied bluntly.

"Well that doesn't sound any different than all the other times you've been here. A good sign I guess." Ratchet helped Blurr onto a berth and began inspection. He asked questions about progress, pain, development, his legs, his spark. Blurr didn't mention what happened to his spark earlier so Red Alert dis it for him.

"So you don't know who your spark mate is?" asked the older doctor.

Blurr scoffed "No, and what does it matter that doesn't have to do with this."

"Well that's true but it may get a load off your back as soon as you find them."

"So I should just spark bond with a random bot? No thank you."

"In all likelihood it's someone you already know, or knew." Ratchet shrugged "I can't help what your spark needs in this case, a bond to be is meant to be and nothing can take that away." He then turned back on subject "Now enough about that, you can take care of it later. Right now we've got to make you better."

Blurr scoffed again, turning his head away from the doctor "As if that's ever going to happen." He mumbled.

"Well I'm sure it won't with that kind of attitude!" Ratchet warned "Stop being such a pessimist, we'll get you walking again." Ratchet assured. In all honesty Ratchet was just lying to himself. He didn't know if Blurr would ever be able to function properly again. He might be stuck in a chair sucking on energon pills until the end of his cycle, and that was a ways away.

When Ratchet finished he sent Blurr off to Physical therapy. The nice doctors there helped Blurr from his chair and made his walked while holding onto bars, made him move his legs and test his reflexes. Blurr felt ridicules in that place. He felt weak and helpless. He wanted to walk but he didn't want to go through the trials of doing so.

By the end of the day, when he was finally released, he was sore and tired, and wanted nothing more than to stick an IV in his arm and go into recharge. Back at his building, on the elevator ride up, Red Alert, who hadn't said a word all day, spoke "I think we should go to the building you used to work in tomorrow and see if we can figure out who your spark mate is." She suggested, keeping an eye on the silver elevator doors.

Blurr looked up at her "Why?" he asked "There's no point to it."

"I think it would be- nice- to have someone by your side through this hard time."

"I don't think they'd be by my side," Blurr mumbled, fearing the worst of who it could be "And besides, I have you."

"I'm your doctor."

"You're still beside me." said Blurr gesturing that fact that she was standing right next to him.

"I don't mean that in a literal sense," started Red Alert as he elevator doors opened and she began to push him out "I mean someone who will care for you, comfort you, and eventually bond with you. Their spark is calling for you just like yours is calling for them."

"There's no guarantee we'll even like each other."

"You'll come to like each other." She sighed, unlocking the door, tired of this constant questioning.

"How do you know?" asked Blurr as she closed the door behind them.

"Because a spark can't change it's mind. You'd either have to bond and hate each other or live in pain forever, you're choice. I wouldn't advise the latter, though."

"I'm already living the latter."

"And that's why you take these," The red and white bot shoved another round of pills in his face, this time getting no protest. Blurr wasn't in the mood to argue. He tossed the cup on the table as soon as they were down, then rolled himself into the living area.

Blurr's apartment was small but perfectly functional. Beside the entrance was a tiny round table set with two chairs and an energon dispenser he couldn't even use any more. Next to that, through an opening with no door, was a living area with a couch and vid screen. The back wall was taken up by a blind covered window while on the opposite wall was the video screen. Between the two was a small table, now moved mostly to the side so that Blurr could get by.

On the wall behind the screen, beside the screen, there's another empty doorway into Blurr's room where the berth stuck out from the wall. Half the room was covered in old documents and data pads, none of which Blurr ever planned on looking at again. To the left of that room was a small study area that had been left neglected. It leads into a hall beside the living area where the wash racks were, and one more, much smaller bedroom, where Red Alert stayed for most of the week.

More commonly the patent stayed with the care taker, but after hearing the news about his legs and everything else that went wrong, Blurr wanted at least one thing to go his way. So he managed to get Red Alert to stay with him instead of the other way around. She didn't mind it too much, there wasn't much at her apartment anyways, and she slept there once or twice a week.

The problem with Blurr was that he'd fallen into a never ending foul mood and the only doctor who was willing to work with him was Red Alert. He'd only been out of the hospital for a week and a half and two other caretakers had already resigned from the task. All was left to Red Alert; they weren't even going to try anyone else.

Red Alert came and sat on the couch "Do you want to watch anything?" she asked, turning on the vid screen.

Blurr scowled "I can use a remote." He growled.

"This is just me being nice. Do you want to watch anything?"

"…No thank you."

"Then what do you want to do."

"I want to recharge."

"Well it's too early for that, spin again."

Blurr growled in frustration "WillyoujustletmedowhatIwantforonce!" He raged, turning in his chair to look at her.

"Glad to see your mouth wasn't affected by the malfunction."

Blurr scowled "I'd rather be mute than unable to run."

"I don't know if you would actually like that any better, Blurr, considering how much you talk."

"I was _born _a racer, not a talker. I could walk before I could even make a sound and IassureyouIwould preferthatoveralmostanything." Blurr slumped back into his seat "Why did Primus have to curse me with this obsolete body!" he slammed his fists on the arms of the chair, causing the metal to rattle. He then tried to stand, protesting his current state. Red Alert hopped up immediately "Alright Blurr, maybe it's not too early for recharge." She said, pushing the chair into him, forcing him back down, then moved him to the berth room.

"Maybe you'll be in a better mood tomorrow," she declared, helping Blurr onto the berth "I can't tell if you act more like a whinny child or grumpy old mech."

"Both," Blurr stated through gritted teeth.

Red Alert smiled, hooking up the IV "Well get some rest, you'll need it for tomorrow. Finding a spark mate can take a lot out of a bot."

"Oh I'm sure it can."

Red Alert turned out the light and let him be. Blurr didn't recharge a wink.

He knew when his spark pulsed when he worked in the Elite guard, he knew who it pulsed for, and he couldn't be more frightened.

He prayed to Primus that his memory served him wrong and it was just a cruel trick of the mind.

* * *

><p>The next morning Blurr was dragged back to his place of "employment" and sent on a mission to find his potential bond mate.<p>

"Cheer up," Red Alert demanded bluntly, walking him through the halls of the base of intelligence "I'm going to talk to your boss, make sure he'll green light us walking through this base."

"I supposedly work here I think we'll be fine."

"I just like to confirm things."

As they approached the red bots office the pain in Blurr's chest came once again. He doubled over, grasping his chest plate, desperately trying to get it to stop.

"Is it happening again?' Asked Red Alert, leaning down to his level.

"Yes," Blurr struggled.

"Well, maybe your bond mate is Cliffjumper."

"If my spark mate is Cliffjumper-" Blurr had to pause, one hand grasping the arm of his chair while the other clawed at his chest "I will literally offline myself—just to tell Primus how stupid he is." After a few seconds the pain dwindled and Blurr sat up straight "Go do whatever, I'll just wait here."

"I'll be right back."

Red Alert headed into Cliffjumper's office unannounced "Cliffjumper," she stated upon entry "Blurr and I are going to be walking around your facility for the entire day, just giving you a helm up." She turned to take her leave but Cliffjumper called after her "Red Alert!" he cried "You can't just walk around government bases." He started, as she walked back towards the desk "We have important operations going on here and we don't need any prying eyes or distractions!"

Red Alert pointed a servo in the commanders face "If your operations were so important then you'd give Blurr more than a desk job after he's fully recovered. You and I both know there's _nothing _going on here."

Cliffjumper scowled "We can't give him his old job, _Red Alert, _because his old job doesn't exist anymore," he growled through gritted teeth "And there's no guarantee he'll ever recover anyways!" Cliffjumper sat back. He let out a deep sigh "What is it you'll be doing?"

"We're looking for Blurr's sparkmate."

"Heh, spark mate?" he laughed "That's ridiculous, Blurr isn't bonded to anyone…I think…is he?"

"No, Cliffjumper, he is not- or at least not yet. We all have one, Cliff, you know that."

Cliffumper simply shrugged "I still don't like you wandering around my base, Red Alert, I'll need a better reason than that."

The femme laid her hands upon the desk and leaned over to whisper "Look I'm just trying to keep him distracted," she explained in a low voice "The stress is getting to him and if I don't keep his mind off his current state I'm afraid he'll end up hurting himself. We won't bother anything I promise."

Cliffjumper considered the notion, but was not fully convinced. Red Alert half scoffed half sighed "Come on Cliffjumper, you were friends once weren't you?"

"Eh…you could call us that." He flicked his hand "Go on, walk through the base, just don't tamper with anything!"

Red Alert let a bit of a smirk slip through "Thank you."

She walked out only to find Blurr slumped over the arm of his chair in recharge.

"Blurr!" she called, waking him up only slightly "Blurr! We're moving." She said, taking the handles on his chair and pushing the drowsily awakening Blurr back down the hall.

"Oh goody," he grumbled, leaning his head on his hand.

They went floor to floor, hallways to hallway, and office to office, but there was no finding Blurr's spark mate. By the end of the Journey, tired from walking, Red Alert sat in the front hallway beside her patient "Maybe it is Cliffjumper," she suggested "Or someone who isn't here today."

Blurr shook his head, staring down at his crossed arms "No, no," he grumbled "I-I think I know…who it is."

"You know? Then who is it?"

Blur shrunk in himself slightly, leaning over and trapping his arms "The one person who can't be here ever again," he mumbled, putting his head over his face.

It took Red Alert a moment to figure it out but as soon as she did "That's impossible!" she cried "He's a Decepicon, Blurr, do you understand how rare that is?"

Blurr sat up slightly and looked around "Maybe we should discuss this somewhere a little more private, don't you agree doctor?" he said, drawing her attention to the prying eyes of their fellow Autobots wandering past the busy entryway.

Without a word Blurr was pushed out into the street and walked home. As soon as they were in the apartment Red Alert got straight to business "Do you really believe that _he's _your spark mate?" she asked, looming over him.

Blurr shrugged "Who else would it be?"

"It could be anyone! Anyone else Blurr…What makes you think that it's him?"

Blurr couldn't look at the femme "I remember feeling things when he was Longarm." He whispered "And stop acting like this is _my _fault, it's not like I _asked _for this."

Red Alert calmed. She knelt down beside the blue bot and put a hand on his shoulder "I just don't think you need this kind of stress on your life. I think it would be best if you forget this whole thing, forget about the spark mate thing, forget about Longarm," she stood up "And forget what that monster did to you." She put another light hand on his shoulder "Just tell me when you want to recharge; I'll be here when you need me."

Later into the night, trying desperately to recharge, Blurr's mind was a rush. His spark sent pulses through his body, demanding to meet it's mate. Blurr struggled on his berth, shifting, and sighing, keeping in any screams or sounds so that he didn't wake Red Alert.

The woman was like an intel agent with sensitive hearing.

Blurr was left to himself, grasping the unrelenting spark and begging it to stop. He sat on his knees, arms pinned to his chest, one hand grasping the others wrist.

"Please don't make me do this," he whispered desperately "Not this, anyone else but him." He fell forward, still on his knees, refusing to face this new development in an already unbelievable reality.

**Hope you enjoyed that, next chapter will be up after Life Now has ended. **


End file.
